I did IVF. Now what?
For some of you reading this, you may be on the other side of IVF: after the shots, the egg retrieval, and the hard decisions about which human embryos to implant and when. Maybe you have a child in your womb or your arms because of this procedure, and yet you still carry questions and a weight you can’t quite name. Perhaps you’re wondering about having another child, or what to do with embryos still in storage. Maybe you’re still waiting, sitting with things you haven’t had space to process.
This page is for you. Too often, resources on IVF are presented in a harsh dichotomy: either they’re opposed from the start, or they’re fully in favor and only share the hopeful message. What we want to offer instead is something rarer and more honest than either of those: a sober, compassionate look at the realities of IVF and the goodness of long-prayed-for children.
The question many people are asking is: “Did I make the right decision?”
IVF involves some of the most intimate and vulnerable decisions a person may ever make, bound up with their deepest desires for a child, their deepest fears, and insecurities that infertility has a way of surfacing.
It can be tempting to skip past uncomfortable questions and seek out those who offer only affirmation or reassurance. But as Proverbs 27:6 says, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.” So in the spirit of friendship, we want to be honest with you.
IVF is a morally serious matter, not because the desire for a child is wrong (it is a beautiful, God-given longing), but because the question of how we treat human life from the moment of conception matters so much.
We believe every human life, from the moment of conception, is a genetically complete and distinct human embryo made in the image of God (Gen 1:26-27) and deserves to be treated accordingly.IVF can feel like a long-awaited lifeline or the only option, and the temptation is to set aside other convictions, convincing ourselves that the ends of finally having a child justify medically and morally complicated means.
The reality is that in IVF, human embryos are frozen for some period of time, either awaiting implantation or indefinitely if they are “leftover”. Fertility clinics try to create as many human embryos as possible to increase the overall success rates, and in doing so many parents find themselves surprised when they have more embryonic children than they expected, and must make hard decisions about what to do with each one.
In 40% of all IVF cycles, doctors use preimplantation genetic testing (PGT) to assess the sex and health of the human embryos, implicitly asking parents to rank and select which embryos are ‘best’ and thus which children deserve a chance at life. The risk that human embryos are discarded, indefinitely frozen, or placed up for adoption is increasingly high as clinics play a numbers game with human life.
In many cases, parents find themselves in over their heads as they navigate their own grief, longing, and desperation, often without the guidance of trusted Christians, life-affirming experts, or pastors. As such, they’re reliant on doctors within the fertility industry who hold a radically different view of human life, and parents can find themselves in situations they never expected.
Sometimes, the language or framing itself is misleading. Take, for example, “viable” and “non-viable” human embryos. Even when parents specify that they do not want to destroy any human embryos, they can be given the option to destroy “non-viable” human embryos. Now, I don’t know about you, but the first few times I heard that language, I assumed it meant either human embryos that had already perished, or ones that would soon perish. The implication was that it doesn’t really matter if you destroy them, since they’re not truly viable, or so the framing suggests.
The reality is far darker. When a clinic says that a human embryo is non-viable, this can mean that the human embryo
- Received a low grade for overall quality and likely success rate,
- Has a higher chance of being diagnosed with Down syndrome or another genetic condition, or
- Will likely naturally perish on its own in a few days (but is still living).
In each of these cases, the human embryo is very much alive, very much made in the image of God, and very much worthy of life–even if it seems “less healthy” than others. That is just one example of the complicated, misleading language parents encounter when navigating IVF.
At the end of the day, questions around IVF itself are not primarily questions about treating infertility; they are questions about how we honor human life from the very beginning.
Below are a few of the situations that you may be wrestling with right now:
When does life begin?
There are few questions that garner more of a heated political, theological, and social response than this one. And there are few questions that matter as much, especially for those who want to honor and protect life.
Holding that life begins at fertilization is not mere ideology or religious belief. In fact, the question of when life begins is a basic biological reality upheld by medical textbooks and embryologists. It refers to the moment when individual gametes — egg and sperm — come together to form a single, genetically complete and distinct human entity.
Studies confirm this biological reality broadly and consistently. When University of Chicago researcher Steve Jacobs surveyed biologists from over 1,000 academic institutions worldwide, 96% of the 5,577 respondents affirmed that a human life begins at fertilization — a finding made more striking by the fact that the majority of those surveyed identified as liberal, pro-choice, and non-religious. This consensus is likewise reflected in the standard literature of the field: leading embryology textbooks, including Moore and Persaud’s Before We Are Born and Larsen’s Human Embryology, describe fertilization as the point at which a new, genetically distinct human organism comes into existence. Peer-reviewed journals echo the same conclusion, with publications like Nature and Cell and Tissue Research describing fertilization as the event that produces a genetically distinct individual. The consistency across researchers, textbooks, and journals points to an established biological baseline.
The real divide isn’t over when life begins; there is little scientific debate over that question. The debate arises when one considers whether, and when, to ascribe moral or legal value to that life. Some believe that life doesn’t have a moral status until “ensoulment” occurs–a phrase that refers to when human life has a soul and therefore moral value.
In some streams of Jewish thought, for example, a human life doesn’t have moral value worthy of protection until 40 days in the womb. For others, it’s not until there is a heartbeat or until the unborn baby reaches another stage of viability. In each of these cases, however, it is the result of religious persons or scientists selecting a point post-fertilization when the human life has “value,” and yet each of these positions selects an arbitrary post-fertilization threshold. The only non-arbitrary dividing line is fertilization itself. Every point from there on out is just another step in the growth and development of the human embryo.
I have frozen embryos
“Since the first IVF birth, millions of human embryos have been frozen in the United States alone with over one million currently held in metal storage containers. Some may only be there for a short period of time, while others have been there for over thirty years, suspended in a state of waiting.
As parents, we have a moral responsibility for each of our children, and that includes those who exist as frozen embryos. The choice to freeze them in the first place, or leave them frozen indefinitely, is not neutral.
For many parents, the realization that these human embryos are their children–albeit at the earliest stage of development–occurs over time. Perhaps it comes after other children are born, and the reality that all people were once human embryos sinks in.
In many cases, the weight of surplus human embryos can paralyze parents who feel overwhelmed by the decisions about what to do with each one. Rather than leaving one’s embryonic children indefinitely frozen, however, it is important to make a life-affirming plan of action. Perhaps that means, if at all possible, prayerfully making the decision to implant the human embryos when the time is medically appropriate. In other cases, that means working with a qualified embryo adoption agency to find an adoptive family who can likewise give your human embryos a chance at continuing their life.
These aren’t easy decisions, and they aren’t without heartache. Some parents feel overwhelmed and are tempted simply to destroy their embryos or leave them frozen indefinitely. Other parents struggle with the idea that someone else will raise their children. Ultimately, it is crucial to remember that these human embryos are persons at their earliest stage of development and have an inherent right to continue their lives.
It is emotionally hard, and even painful, but the most life-affirming and courageous decision is to implant your human embryos or work with an embryo adoption agency. You don’t walk this road alone. There are many organizations, agencies, and churches ready to come alongside you through each step.
If embryos were discarded or destroyed
This can be one of the hardest realities to face. Perhaps the decision was made because the human embryos received a low-quality grade or showed a higher likelihood of a genetic disease. Perhaps it felt like the easiest option among keeping the embryos, using them, or donating them to another couple.
Whatever the situation, the answer isn’t to hide or run away from what happened—that only breeds more pain, shame, and isolation. Instead, it is an opportunity to bring it before the Lord in repentance, and to trusted religious leaders and friends in confession. Indeed, confession, grief over sin, and repentance are not about punishment; they are about restoration. The same God who knit those lives together sees you, knows you, and offers forgiveness that is real and complete. You are not beyond it, and avoiding what happened will not bring the peace you’re looking for.
If your child was born through IVF
Your child is a gift from God, full stop. Their life is a testament to how God works through brokenness and complexity to bring forth new life. What a blessing they are. Ultimately, you didn’t make this happen, and neither did the fertility doctor. It was God who created and brought forth your child’s life.
As your child grows, it will be important to share this part of their story with them in age-appropriate ways, particularly if they have siblings still in frozen storage or others who were placed with another family through embryo adoption. They have a right to know where they came from, and to learn about their full family story with love and care.